Her Perfect Cowboy Page 19

“Skyler and Elissa.”

  India blinked, and Celene turned into her mother. She wore a pitying look on her haggard face. “They didn’t stay for you. You just happened to be where they stayed.”

  “No.” India choked on the word. When she blinked, her mother had turned into her father. He wore a sneer of contempt.

  “There you are, thinking you’re good enough to have a man love you. What is there to love in you? You’re self-centered, a snob, not half as good as you think you are. If you cared for him, you’d stay out of his life, let him find someone he can love back and not just pity.”

  India shook her head as tears spilled over. “No, that’s not true. Liam cares about me.”

  But when she jerked her gaze back in the other direction, Liam was gone. Behind her, her father’s laugh was joined by her mother’s, Celene’s, then more until it felt as if the entire population of Blue Falls was laughing.

  India jerked awake feeling as if she were about to cry. It took a few seconds for the dream to fade enough for her to realize that Liam hadn’t run away. He was there in her bed beside her, deep in sleep. She smiled and almost touched him. But something stopped her. Maybe it was the dream, or maybe it was just common sense returning with the dawn. Today he was leaving, and the likelihood of this ever happening between them again wasn’t very good. Even if they had the best of intentions, eventually it would prove too hard unless one of them was willing to uproot their entire life on the chance that things would work out.

  As she watched the rise and fall of his chest, she realized that Liam might not feel about her the way she did about him. It was different for guys. Caring enough to have sex with a woman wasn’t the same thing as loving her.

  She swallowed hard against the lump invading her throat and batted away tears. She refused to regret this, not when it had made her feel more alive than she ever had. For those few hours in his arms, she’d been free. And she would have loved him for that if for nothing else. She loved him enough to not ask him to change for her. Besides, he wouldn’t be the only one affected. He had a child to think of, and jerking Ginny away from everything she knew just so he could be with a woman he barely knew, who he’d spent the night with one time, wasn’t fair. Ginny had everything India had dreamed of as a child, and she refused to ruin that.

  She wanted to kiss Liam one last time so much it hurt. Before she gave in to that desire, she slid from the bed and headed for the bathroom. She showered and dressed, rehearsing what she would say to Liam when she left the bathroom. She had enjoyed herself, and maybe they could get together the next time she was in the Dallas–Fort Worth area.

  Only they wouldn’t. Once he got back to his normal life, she wouldn’t pop in one day and upset it again.

  She ended up not needing any words when she returned to the bedroom. As she watched Liam sleeping, she wondered when was the last time he’d slept so deeply. She wondered for a moment if he’d felt the same the night before, free from responsibility and expectation. She wondered if there was any way they could make this work.

  India wiped away a tear and shook her head. She couldn’t let the need she’d had her entire life, the need to be loved, make her into a clingy woman, hanging on to a man who didn’t have the same type of feelings for her.

  She had to get away, to clear her head, to steel herself against the pain Liam’s leaving would cause. As quietly as she could, she grabbed her purse and left the house. With Liam’s truck parked behind her car, she was left with no choice but to walk to work. Luckily, she’d chosen comfortable shoes and it was still early enough that the air was still pleasant.

  The entire way to the shop, she imagined Liam racing up behind her, begging her not to walk away, telling her he loved her with all his heart and they would find a way to be together. But none of that happened. As she slid the key in the front door of the shop, she felt as if the moment she stepped across that threshold the magic of the night before would disappear. She paused and looked down the street, but instead of Liam all she saw was a truck pulling a horse trailer, one of the rodeo riders getting an early start back home or on to the next rodeo.

  Her heart heavy, she stepped into the quiet of the shop. But even the familiarity of all she’d built didn’t offer her comfort this morning. She sank onto the stool behind the cash register and stared out the window. It wasn’t until she noticed a sign in the bakery window that she realized she hadn’t even left Liam a note.

  Maybe that was a good thing. Perhaps a clean break would be easier, with no awkward words or fumbled apologies. She wondered if she’d ever see him again.

  She bit her lip when it trembled. She would most definitely see him again. Even if he never again crossed her path, Liam Parrish was sure to inhabit her dreams for a very long time to come.

  * * *

  LIAM ROLLED OVER, STILL half-asleep and drugged with that morning-after-great-sex feeling. He reached for India but found the other half of the bed empty. He blinked against the morning light then rolled over to look toward the bathroom. But the door stood open to reveal it was as empty of India as the bedroom. He smiled when he thought she might be making him breakfast.

  Laughing at how he might shock her if he strolled into the kitchen naked, that’s exactly what he did. His smile died when he found it also empty. He turned and scanned the living area.

  “India?”

  He knew instantly that she was gone. His heart sank as he was yanked back nine years, to the morning after he’d taken Charlotte to bed. He wandered through the entire house, looking for a note that wasn’t there. Cold settled in his stomach. He’d thought she was different, but had he been duped again? Had her sudden turnaround the night before simply been her satisfying her curiosity because she knew she wouldn’t have to deal with him after today?

  After several seconds of staring at the bed they’d shared, he didn’t even take the time to shower. He dressed as quickly as he could and headed for the front door, not wanting to be there a moment longer. He didn’t even care how much noise he made as he slammed his truck door and squealed away from her house. Let her explain to her neighbors why an angry man was leaving her house early in the morning.

  By the time he reached his RV, he wasn’t any less angry. But he’d decided that she would never know it. If he saw her again, he’d act as if nothing had happened—because no matter what words he’d been on the verge of saying the night before, evidently nothing of any importance had happened. At least not to India. But him? No matter what kind of facade he wore, his heart had taken a punch harder than the horse’s kick the night before. And it was going to take a lot longer to heal than that bruise on his leg.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The first customers of the day weren’t customers at all. When India walked out of the main display room where she’d been needlessly straightening shelves of purses, she stopped in her tracks. Elissa, Skyler, Verona and Ginny stood in the front room, all with differing levels of expectation on their faces.

  “What are you all doing here?” She tried to hide the panic in her voice, but she wasn’t entirely successful judging by the shift in her friends’ expressions.

  “Because this is where I texted Liam to pick up Ginny,” Skyler said, looking like a kid who’d been caught in a mistake.

  India tried to relax her rigid stance and walked behind the jewelry counter. “What time is he coming by?”

  “I’m not sure. Should I call him and make other plans?”

  India hesitated answering, a part of her wanting very much to see Liam again.

  Ginny rested her hands on the corner of the jewelry case and looked up at India. “Are you going to be my mom now?”

  India’s mouth fell open, and she looked away from the look in the child’s eyes. She couldn’t take it if she identified that look as hope. “No, sweetie.
Your dad and I are just friends.”

  “Oh.”

  The disappointment in that single word broke India’s heart, and it must have showed on her face because her friends looked as if they wanted to give her a group hug and ask a million questions at the same time.

  They didn’t have the chance to do either because Liam walked in the front door.

  He looked so good that India almost caved and begged him to forgive her for walking out that morning without a word. But with Ginny’s words still ringing in her ears, she knew she couldn’t. His and Ginny’s lives were back in Fort Worth. Hers, at least for now, was here.

  When Liam barely looked at her, she did her best not to let her hurt show. Maybe she’d done the right thing. Maybe he’d just been caught up in the moment, a guy looking to get laid. That didn’t ring true with her, but it wasn’t as if she was an expert on men.

  It suddenly occurred to her that she was no better than Charlotte, leaving while he slept as if she’d never been there at all. India opened her mouth to apologize, but Liam spoke first, cutting her off.

  “Let’s go, Ginny. Time to go home.”

  For a moment, Ginny had a look of mutiny on her face. But then she simply ran around the jewelry case and hugged India.

  It took all of India’s willpower not to cry as she hugged Ginny back. With a final squeeze, she gently pushed the girl away. “Go on, now. You’ve got a long drive ahead of you.”

  “I’ll miss you,” Ginny said.

  Good Lord, the girl was killing her. “I’ll miss you, too, sweetie.”

  India made the mistake of glancing toward her friends. Elissa especially wore a look that begged her to stop this, to explain what was going on.

  For a moment, India’s gaze met Liam’s. She desperately searched for something there that would change her mind about letting him go, but there was nothing. It was as if he was already gone. “Goodbye, Liam.”

  All he did was nod before he led Ginny out the door.

  India refocused her attention on a pair of pearl earrings in the glass case in front of her. She couldn’t watch Liam and Ginny drive away.

  Elissa stepped up to the other side of the case. “What are you doing? Go stop him.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. You love him. I can see it written all over your face. We all can.”

  India forced herself to meet Elissa’s eyes. “That’s why I have to let him go.”

  “That’s the dumbest bunch of self-sacrificing malarkey I’ve ever heard.”

  “How do you envision this playing out, Elissa? One of two things has to happen. Either I give up my business, my life here in Blue Falls and move to Fort Worth on the off chance it works out between Liam and me. Or I pull a really selfish move and ask him to uproot not only himself but his daughter from everything she’s ever known.”

  “She obviously cares about you,” Verona said, though she wasn’t as adamant as she’d once been.

  “Missing me is one thing, and that will fade because she hasn’t known me that long. Asking her to leave her friends, her school, her home—that’s another entirely.”

  Skyler stayed quiet. When India looked at her, she could tell her friend knew she was right.

  But if she was right, why did it feel like her heart was going to crumble to dust?

  * * *

  LIAM LOOKED OVER when he heard Ginny sniffle, and it made him angry at India all over again.

  “How about we go out for ice cream when we get home?” he asked, wanting to take his daughter’s pain away. How he wished an ice cream sundae would cure his own heartache.

  “I don’t want any ice cream,” Ginny said. She continued to stare out the window on her side of the truck.

  “You knew we had to go home, honey. This is the way it always is when we do a rodeo.”

  “But I wanted to stay.”

  So had he, but that wasn’t really practical, was it? Still, he couldn’t help how his mind kept wandering back to Blue Falls and India as he drove farther away. Against his better judgment, he kept trying to think of reasons to go back. Because when their eyes had met just before he’d guided Ginny out of the front door of Yesterwear, he’d seen something in India’s, something he’d never seen in Charlotte’s. And India had obviously cared about Ginny, which also made her totally different than Charlotte.

  Then why had he left? Why hadn’t he fought for her?

  Because maybe India was right to handle things the way she had. How realistic was it that they could make a long-distance relationship work long-term?

  He squeezed the steering wheel, wishing he could shrink the distance between Blue Falls and Fort Worth. As the miles ticked by and Ginny stayed quiet, he let his mind wander. He began to fantasize that absence would make India’s heart grow fonder. Because his heart was about as fond of India Pike as a heart could get. But the next move had to be hers, not because he was stubborn but because he knew that anything between them would never work until India was finally able to overcome her fears for good.

  He tried not to think about how that might never happen.

  * * *

  INDIA KEPT TELLING HERSELF that every day her heart would hurt a little less, but by the end of the first week after Liam had left Blue Falls she acknowledged she was lying to herself. Though she knew it was a mistake, she drove by the fairgrounds. Seeing them empty only made her feel worse, so she immediately turned around and headed to work.

  When she reached downtown, however, there was still an hour before she had to open. She crossed the street to the bakery and walked inside. Thankfully, Keri wasn’t working, so India didn’t have to face the look of pity on her friend’s face.

  “Good morning,” said Josephina, Keri’s sister-in-law, who’d just married Keri’s brother Carter a couple of months before.

  “Good morning.”

  “What can I get for you?”

  “Bear claw and a large coffee.”

  Once India had her breakfast and handed over payment, she said goodbye and headed out the door. Only she didn’t cross the street. For the first time since she’d opened Yesterwear, it didn’t offer her any comfort. Instead, she started walking down the sidewalk, saying hello to a few of the other shop owners as she passed them.

  When she reached the edge of downtown, she stopped. In the distance, she saw Verona on her regular morning walk on the path that circled the lake. Suddenly, a sight India had seen dozens of times seemed so incredibly lonely. Verona was a good woman, caring, funny, and yet she was alone. And India didn’t even know why. Had she passed up a chance at love? Did she regret it? Or had she never gotten the chance to grab true love for her own?

  Before Verona could see her, India turned around and walked back toward the heart of downtown. Once she reached the nearest end of the shopping district, she waited to cross the street. She spotted Jake and Mia heading out of town, probably on their way to Austin for Mia’s second cancer treatment. They both waved. Even in the face of chemo, Mia had a smile for her. As they passed by, India watched them, her heart going out to Jake. He had to be scared to death, and he was facing this alone.

  By the time India reached the front door of her shop, it felt as if the universe was trying to tell her something. She tried to argue with it, using the same reasons she’d given her friends, but the universe didn’t give up as easily.

  She sank onto one of the chairs at the table in the front room and stared at the carved daisies around the edges of the
table, tracing them with her fingertip. She had no idea how much time had passed when she finally accepted that she had to tell Liam how she felt, every last bit of it. If she didn’t, she knew she’d never have any peace.

  She also knew that she didn’t have the courage to tell him face-to-face or even on the phone. It might make her a coward, but the depth of what she felt for him made it impossible for her to lay out all her feelings and then have him tell her to her face that he didn’t feel the same way. At least if she wrote down how she felt and he rejected her, she could mourn in private.

  It took several minutes for her nerves to calm down enough for her to write legibly. But with a deep breath, she finally put pen to paper. It took several pages because she held nothing back, and the moment she finished she stuffed the letter into an envelope, addressed it and walked it down to the mailbox on the corner. If she put it in her outgoing mail, she knew she might very well rip it up before the mail carrier picked it up.

  The moment the letter left her fingers and fell into the dark belly of the mailbox, she felt as if she’d just thrown a pair of dice that would decide the course for the rest of her life.

  * * *

  LIAM COULDN’T STOP HIS GAZE from drifting to the letter sitting on the edge of his desk, just like it had since it had been delivered the day before. The dang thing even smelled like her, the hint of roses refusing to leave him alone.

  He tried focusing on work, but it was no use. He had to know what was in that envelope. When he ripped it open, he saw it contained several pages of stationery. He smiled a little at that. It was so very India to use classy stationery when most of the world emailed or texted.

  With a deep breath he sat back in his chair and started to read.

  Dear Liam,

  I hope I am doing the right thing by writing this letter. But there are things I have to say, and it’s the God’s honest truth that I’m too nervous to tell you in person. There is so much that I want to say, to explain about myself and why I am the way I am, but I’ll just start off by saying that watching you leave that last day broke my heart.